There's an absolutely unique challenge I'm working through right now.
I've just gone on vacation - the first in 18 months - and between our normal nomad travels and vacation I've spent the last week and a half in at least four different cities. It's Tuesday and I'm still working through the brain fog trying to get back into work mode and feel as productive as I think I should be.
It's a mix of pressure to get my normal work stuff done but then also make progress on all my little side projects. My Instagram is out of date, my website is still under restructure, reaching out to friends and family for normal catchups is delayed. I'm all out of sorts and that doesn't even take into account the mental calendar I need to rebuild with all our future travel.
There's something wholly humbling about coming back from vacation this time.
Before we left, before leaving Washington DC, I could have recited everywhere we'd been for the past six months, whose house we were in, the pets' names, and all the work stuff I still had left to do. I was on my game and had everything fresh and accessible, something I try to keep up so as we continue to make plans I know when we're unofficially booked or when we have appointments that might not have made it into the calendar.
I not only embraced that mentality of unplugging but I turned my whole brain off.
Sitting here today, two days back to "real" life, I still can't tell you when we're leaving, what flight we're on, what time even. All I know is sometime we're going back to Las Vegas for a bit and then bouncing back and forth to California for a while.
I did it to myself, but I didn't recognize what I was doing. We booked this cruise in mid-July and set sail that first week of September. My whole plan leading up to it was to unplug - take off the smart watch, turn off the phone. I met that goal within three hours of being on board and I not only embraced that mentality of unplugging but I turned my whole brain off. I drank, I ate, I read my books by the pool. I relaxed so hard I became so unconcerned with anything happening other than when it was time to go to dinner. And that decision now haunts me.
I've been back on land for four and a half days. I've been back at work for almost two. I'm still trying to find my legs and sense of motivation for anything.
I've dug this hole of comfort so deep I've now forced myself to deconstruct it knowing what life looks like when those walls fully come down. It's a harder process than I thought to put the pieces back together and regain the mental map of life that I became so used to holding. It's really forced me to look at each piece as I grab it and evaluate if it's worth holding on the daily.
Vacation and getting unplugged was highly necessary and I'm going to make unplugging more of a pointed experience to help myself reset, but I don't think I want to unplug quite as thoroughly again. Rebuilding is a big ask and I'm not enjoying the puzzle of putting everything back together.